There was a time when we were with our children that we were really with them. We engaged in a back-and-forth dialog even if they were pre-verbal. We said, "Look at the bus, see the doggie, etc." Nowadays, all to often we are on the phone, pushing our kids on the swing while distracted by our devices. We think we are spending time with them, but we are not present, really. When we pick up our kids from school, we are on the phone. While listening to our adult conversations, what do they really hear? What is the message they receive? I am not important; I am not important.
How to Miss a Childhood
*Keep your phone turned on at all times of the day. Allow the rings, beeps, and buzzes to interrupt your child mid-sentence; always let the caller take priority.
*Carry your phone around so much that when you happen to leave it in one room your child will come running with it proudly in hand—treating it more like a much needed breathing apparatus than a communication device.
*Decide the app you’re playing is more important than throwing the ball in the yard with your kids. Even better, yell at them to leave you alone while you play your game.
*Take your children to the zoo and spend so much time on your phone that your child looks longingly at the mother who is engaged with her children and wishes she was with her instead.
*While you wait for the server to bring your food or the movie to start, get out your phone and stare at it despite the fact your child sits inches away longing for you talk to him.
*Go to your child’s sporting event and look up periodically from your phone thinking she won’t notice that you are not fully focused on her game.
*Neglect daily rituals like tucking your child into bed or nightly dinner conversation because you are too busy with your online activity.
*Don’t look up from your phone when your child speaks to you or just reply with an “uh huh” so he or she thinks you were listening.
*Give an exasperated sigh when your child asks you to push him or her on the swing. Can’t your child see that you’re busy?
*Use drive time to call other people regardless of the fact you could be talking to your kids about their day—or about their worries, their fears, or their dreams.
*Read email and text messages at stoplights. Then tell yourself that when your kids are old enough to drive they won’t remember you did this all the time.
*Have the phone to your ear when he or she gets in or out of the car. Convince yourself a loving hello or goodbye is highly overrated.If you find this recipe difficult to read—if you find that you have tears in your eyes, I thank you, and your child thanks you. It is not easy to consider the possibility that the distractions of the modern age have taken an undeserved priority over the people who matter in your life.
Here’s the thing: You don’t have to follow the above recipe. Yes, it is the 21st Century. Yes, the whole world is online. Yes, the communications for your job are important. Yes, at times you must be readily available. But despite all those factors, you do not have to sacrifice your child’s childhood; nor do you have to sacrifice your life.
May I recommend this recipe instead?
How to Grasp a Childhood
The recipe for “How to Grasp a Childhood” requires only one thing: You must put down your phone. Whether it is for ten minutes, two hours, or an entire Saturday. Beautiful human connection, memory making, and parent-child bonding can occur every single time you let go of distraction to grasp what really matters.
The beautiful, life-changing results of your “Hands Free” action can start today … right now … the moment you put down the phone.
Adapted from "How to Miss a Childhood" from the "Hands Free Mama" blog.
